I started on Zoloft a little earlier than I had planned.

The plan for me, with my history of PostPartum Depression, was to start taking Zoloft at 38 weeks like I did with Miriam. A couple of months ago at a checkup, I talked to the midwife about whether I should start it sooner because I was having some mood wonk. She said that as long as it was up and down mood stuff it sounded like normal reactions to stress/hormones/exhaustion/kid shenanigans etc. The agreed upon plan was that if, at any point, Eric and/or I noticed it was devolving into a down-down spiral, I felt like it was getting to be too much to handle, etc., to let them know and they'd start me then, she made a note in my file and talked to the OB about it so that even if I called between appointments they could go ahead and call in the RX then and there.


I'd started to wonder if I was going downhill. My emotions are out of control, I've started having abnormal anxiety, etc. Well, then the other night Eric told me he was seeing that I had in fact gone into a down-down-down and he thought I should talk to the doc about it. So, I did, at my OB appointment (which happened to be the next day). She sent in the RX then and there, talked to me about the medication itself and how long I should plan to be on it at a minimum, potential side effects of irritability for the baby in the first few days of life and how to cope, etc. I picked up the meds and started taking them last night. I just got my third trimester labs done (they check my Thyroid levels once a trimester) and that all came back WNL so it's not a thyroid thing at this point.


I've got so many conflicting emotions about this, and most of them I know are false thought patterns that I "know better" than to buy in to, like feeling guilty for not being able to handle everything without needing medication, or thinking "What is wrong with me?". And then part of me is going "You're so dumb, you blog about PPD and mental health, you're an advocate for women with PPD, why is it so hard for you to accept the things you believe and tell other women?". It's not really surprising though, partly because the stigma surrounding mental health and Antenatal Depression/PostPartum Depression and lack of understanding/education about them are still SO strong, and partly because in general I suck at taking my own advice.


It's scary.

Breast is not always best, part 2.

Note: I'd like to refer everyone to a post I wrote a couple of months ago about the fact that there are antidepressants you can take while breastfeeding.


In a previous post, I wrote about why Breast is not alwaysbest. Today, I’d like to discuss a specific facet of that.

Usually, people who espouse the idea that Breast Is Always Best will acknowledge that “Of course this doesn’t extend to women with legitimate medical issues”. Here’s the problem that I often see: these people will either not truly acknowledge PostPartum Depression as a legitimate medical problem, or the women with PPD will not realize that they fall inside this criteria and will still succumb to the guilt of “If I get help and have to stop nursing my baby because of medications, I am not doing what is best for my baby”, thus either prolonging the time they go without treatment or, if they do seek treatment, adding unnecessary guilt which may make it even harder to deal with the PPD. Also, when women give a reason other than a “legitimate medical problem”, they are dismissed and scorned as “selfish”. What those doing the dismissing too often fail to take into consideration is that the new mother may in fact have something like PPD going on below the surface that they either don’t realize or don’t want to talk about it.

Even if there is no medical problem, again, if they just do not want to nurse, they should not be made to feel guilty for that. As I stated in my previous post, a woman who breastfeeds due to pressure and guilt, despite not wanting to for her own reasons, may end up suffering negative repercussions such as difficulty bonding, depression, and a host of other problems.

We need to get away from this idea that the only acceptable reason to not breastfeed is to have a “legitimate medical problem”. We need to realize that using this terminology and pushing this mindset may cause those very problems. Who are we to decide what constitutes a “legitimate” reason to make a particular non-life threatening choice?

Of all the issues that we could be devoting our time and energy to, we choose to spend it on judging women for why they choose to feed their child a certain way? As I’ve said before, by all means, let’s educate people about the benefits that breastfeeding can give to both mother and and baby; benefits such as passing along to the baby the mother’s immunities, reducing the mother’s risk of cancer, assisting the mother with weight-loss, the fact that breastmilk contains/helps the baby develop pro-biotics and pre-biotics, and many other positive benefits and side-effects . But please, let’s do so in a manner that makes the mother feel empowered to make an educated choice as to what she feels is best for her and her baby and family, rather than feeling judged for making her choice, a manner that does not add to the stigma, myths, and problems that women with PPD (and their families) already face.