12 April 2010

I'm me!

3 months of medication for my thyroid has done what the Celexa and Lexapro and Ativan never could quite do... I feel like myself again! I think it's a misnomer to say that I feel like my old self again, I will never feel like my old self again because I will never BE my old self again. I've had a daughter, adjusted to motherhood, struggled with PPD and suicidal ideations and all the feelings of guilt and inadequacy that come with PPD, and some much more. I'd like to think that I am a stronger woman and to some degree, wiser and more mature although I don't know how far that goes. :P However, I am happy with who I am and where I am and I feel like a PERSON again. I feel like I've stepped out of a land of shadows into the daylight.

I've come off of the antidepressants totally, the last time Celexa touched my lips was March 30 and I haven't had Ativan since December. I'm doing great, I haven't had any relapses into wanting to hurt or kill myself or anyone else, I haven't been sick or anything, I've barely even had any issues with RLS. I'm so incredibly happy to finally be off the meds. It was with the blessing of my psychologist and the GP I saw at the Family Medicine Clinic. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. All the glory for this belongs to God. As incredibly off as my thyroid was (the numbers were HIDEOUS), there's no way that I *should* have gotten to Within Normal Limits in 3 months and on only the second dose they put me on (started on .25 and am now holding steady at .50) but I am not only okay on my thyroid, I'm off the antidepressants faster and easier than I *should* have been.

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