PPD isn't impressed by titles or wealth

I'm one of those people who is fascinated by royalty, especially the British Royal Family. I remember watching the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales when I was a teenager. I watched Prince William's wedding to the former Kate Middleton live (streamed it on the internet) very early in the morning while I nursed a newborn baby. I've been enthralled waiting for the arrival of the newest member of their family (who came into the world on July 22, 2013), formerly known as "the royal baby" and now (since his name as been announced) known as HRH Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.

This evening, something struck me that has stuck with me in the back of the mind for the last couple of days. I got to watch via live stream (yay for smart phones) as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge brought Prince George out front of the hospital to meet the press, the public, and - in a way, the world - before leaving for Kensington Palace. Kate said something then that has been niggling at my brain; she said that it's "very emotional".

Pregnancy is emotional. Childbirth is emotional. Becoming parents is emotional, whether it's your first child or your third. She nailed it.

But I hope - and I don't know how well I can translate my thoughts and feelings on this in to words - that she knows to watch out for the negative emotions. I hope that she is surrounded by people who know about Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety, Postpartum OCD, Postpartum Psychosis, etc., who can help her keep an eye out for it and - should she start to suffer - help her get help.

But I don't just wish this for her. I wish this for EVERY new mom out there. My hope for all of you is that you have educated yourself about the realities and symptoms of PPMD, that you are surrounded by people who know about it and who will speak up and help you get help if they notice something is wrong.

PPMD is no respecter of persons. It doesn't care who you are. It's a bastard like that. We ALL deserve to be able to get help, though. Don't think that because you don't have a title you don't deserve help or are supposed to suffer. And don't think that because you're a celebrity you have to suffer in silence and just try to push through it.  If you need help, ask for it.

We all matter.

My Mother's Day wish for you

I'd like to start by apologizing for my silence. It's been kind of a crazy month-plus since my last post and some personal circumstances have made it hard for me to post anything (emotionally, writer's block, that kind of hard). However, I'm dusting off my pen (so to speak) for Mother's Day.

For all the mothers out there, of any variety, Happy Mother's Day. If you are a mother, you are fierce and you are awesome. Whether you are a birth mom, adoptive mom, stay-at-home-mom, work-at-home-mom, employed outside the home mom, mom who goes to college, mom who's lost a baby or a child, or any other kind of mom (and this is by no means an exclusive list), you rock. You are a wonderful mom, no matter how much you feel otherwise (goodness knows I feel less than awesome quite often). It doesn't matter what you look like, what you wear, whether you breast feed or formula feed or some combination, whether you use cloth diapers or disposable, whether you wear your baby or not, whether or not you vaccinate or if you do so on schedule, delayed, or alternative/selective schedule, whether you gave birth with medication, without medication, vaginally, or by c-section, how many children you have, whether they live with you, with someone else, or in heaven, whether you are tall or short, skinny or fluffy, all that doesn't matter. You. Are. Awesome. You are fierce. You are amazing. You are fantastic, fabulous, wonderful, beautiful inside and out, lovely, and great.

Motherhood is not all about being the "perfect" mom. It's not about meeting some nonsensical ideal that the world has set up for us. It's not about being some specific religion or member of any one church. Motherhood is not about baking cookies every day, sewing your own clothes and having them look like they came off the rack at Nordstrom. It's not about having the best Pinterest boards (and making everything off of them and having the projects turn out perfectly). It's not about always being happy, having beautifully done makeup and manicured/painted nails. Motherhood is not even the one thing that defines you. You are a complex woman with many roles and many defining factors and aspects.

Don't let the hype of being the perfect mother get you down or make you feel less than worthy. I assure you, there is no such thing as the perfect mother who has everything together (maybe my own mom, but I'm pretty sure she'd disagree with me since she's the one who told me there's no perfect mom).

And to all my PPMD mama's, I'd like to send extra special gentle and loving hugs to you. Having PPMD doesn't say anything about your capabilities as a mom. It doesn't make you any less of a mom or a worse mom. Love yourself, accept yourself, give yourself permission to feel whatever you want or need to feel, even if that means not liking Mother's Day because it reminds you of all your struggles. I'd also recommend you head over to Postpartum Progress and check out the 5th Annual Mother's Day Rally for Mental Health.

If you are a mom, today is for you. I know sometimes Mother's Day can be so incredibly difficult. This year, it has difficult aspects for me. If Mother's Day is bittersweet for you, that's okay. If it's sad, that's okay. If it makes you angry, that's okay. Today, if Mother's Day is happy, I wish you a Happy Mother's Day. If it isn't, I wish you Whatever Kind Of Mother's Day You Need Mother's Day To Be.

You have my love.

HAWMC Day 4: Sharing Resources

Sharing Resources:

Create a “care page” – a list of your best resources that someone who is newly diagnosed could

go to when starting to advocate for themselves or a loved one. Remember to include sites that

lead to successful self advocacy!

PPMD related blogs I recommend:

• PostPartum Progress
• Band Back Together
• Beyond PostPartum
• Kate Kripke, LCSW: Prenatal and PostPartum Wellness Strategies
• Butterfly Confessions
• Farewell Stranger
• James and Jax
• Learned Happiness
• Motherhood Unadorned
• Multitasking Mumma
• My PostPartum Voice
• Our Giggles & Grimaces
• Our Journey Through Life
• PostPartum Desert
• PPD Survivor
• PPD to Joy
• Really? I'm A Mom?
• Self-Care Tips For Women
• Sometimes It's Hard
• Supermom
• The Rebuild Blog
• To Breathe Again
• With a Little Love and Luck

Other recommended links:

• Jenny's Light
• March of Dimes: PPD
• The PostPartum Resource Center of New York
• PostPartum Support International
• PSI Support for Military Families
• PostPartum Progress: PPD Support Groups in the US and Canada
• The Online PPMD Support Group
• The Baby Blues Connection

Twitter:

#PPDChat is a weekly Twitter chat  led by Lauren Hale on Mondays at 1pm and 8:30pm Eastern Time. The #PPDChat hashtag is used during non-moderated chat times as a community of support, friendship, and advocacy whenever wanted/needed.

HAWMC Day 3: Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday - Post a picture that symbolizes your condition and your experiences.

Photo (C) Esther Dale, 2013

HAWMC Day 2: Introducing PPMD

Introduce your condition(s) to other Health Activists. What are 5 things you want them to  know about your condition/your activism? Share links to 3-5 of your old posts (or posts from other Health Activists!) that you think will help the newly diagnosed.

I’m a Health Activist for Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders. I personally have suffered from Postpartum Depression, Postpartum OCD, Postpartum Anxiety, and Antenatal Depression (not a PPMD because it occurs during pregnancy prior to giving birth) but I also feel that it’s important to talk about Postpartum Psychosis and Postpartum PTSD. As much work as remains to be done to better educate the public about Postpartum Depression, I think there’s even more to be done to raise awareness about other lesser-known PPMD. I say this based on the fact that not only do most every-day non-medical people I talk to not know about anything other than PPD, even medical personnel misdiagnose other PPMD as being PPD and are uneducated about anything other than PPD.

I think this ties in nicely with the part of today’s prompt that says to share 5 things I’d like others to know about PPMD. Please note that these are not necessarily listed in order of importance, as I think they’re all equally important.

1. Different PPMD are not all the same thing and the terms can not and should not be used interchangeably. The biggest example I see of this is people saying someone has/had Postpartum Depression when they actually had Postpartum Psychosis. What far too many people don’t realize is that, although they both fall under the heading of PPMD, PPD and PPP are not the same thing.
2. When someone says they are having thoughts of hurting themselves or the baby, it’s important to make sure that they’re truly experiencing suicidal/homicidal ideations typical of PPD or PPP; too often, what a new mom thinks is thoughts of hurting herself/her baby is actually intrusive thoughts, which are a distinctive symptom of Postpartum OCD. It’s important to distinguish between the types of thoughts and symptoms and make sure that the correct diagnosis is made because different PPMD may respond better to different methods of treatment.
3. Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders are not a cop-out. They’re not some pretend thing that people use to get out of trouble or to make excuses for not doing housework. PPMD are legitimate illnesses that suck  to an extent that is impossible to comprehend until you’ve experienced it. And even after experiencing PPMD, you still can’t expect to understand what everyone else with PPMD experiences, because everyone’s experiences are different.
4. PPMD are not automatically something you can just pray away. It’s not as simple as singing more hymns, having more faith, saying the right prayers, repenting of sins, binding Satan and his demons, attending church faithfully, being exorcised, getting blessings that are worded the right way, or anything else faith related. Sometimes those things may help comfort an individual and help them feel relief from symptoms, but to assume that PPMD are tied to one’s faith (or lack thereof) is wrong, and hinting (or outright saying) that they must not be taking the right steps with regards to their faith can be more harmful than one might imagine.
5. There is no one way that women with PPMD can be assumed to look. You can not assume that a woman with PPMD will be disheveled, be perpetually in tears, or appear to be in distress. Many women can and do hide the fact that they are suffering, and/or the extent of their suffering, not only from the world but from the loved ones they are the closest too. I speak from personal experience about that.

Five bullets is barely even a scratch on the surface. For more information about PPMD, go do some more reading. Read more of my blog entries, follow the links in this post, and check out the resources and blogs in the tabs at the top of this page. Happy HAWMC and enjoy your reading. :)